this pirate obsession

Ahoy there me hearties! It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, one of the major holidays of the year! Ye other be Halloween, obviously.

I be very excited about this, though I be not dressin’ like a pirate, or partyin’ like a pirate. I be not drinkin’ rum because I be slightly ill – it be suddenly very cold in these oceans known as ye British Isles. I be instead drinkin’ ye ‘grog’ that be known to the landlubbers as Earl Grey. It be delicious.

I be practicing me pirate for ye last couple o’weeks, an’ I be picking up ye plastic wall hook we be donated in ye shop yesterday and pretendin’ it be a hook. Arrr. That be mildly amusin’.

Today, I be pretendin’ that I be plannin’ some burnin’ and pillagin’, arr? ARR! An’ I be recievin’ in me inbox ye Etsy Finds newsletter, an’ I be findin’ inspiration to be collectin’ some pirate booty of me own. ARRR!

Firstly I be wantin’ ye Grace O’Malley pirate hat, because it be purple an’ I be ye most purple pirate that be known in ye seven seas. If ye be readin’ this scroll regular, ye be knowing this. If ye be a former landlubber recently recruited to ye voyage, I be recommendin’ ye be checkin’ out ye archives. Yarrr? YARRRR! If ye be not a purple pirate, ye fancy black and gold tricorn be for ye.

Second, I be thinkin’ that ‘Marie Antoinette goes pirate’ be a bonny look, so I be considerin’ these hair combs. But when I be wantin’ t’be a more subtle pirate, I be thinkin’ ye piratical badge be most appropriate, arr. These be especially worth ye pieces of eight.

Pirates with style be readin’ ye Pirate Clothing webpage and be dressin’ accordingly, and be makin’ sure ye be wearin’ earrings. Ye be showin’ off how good they be at huntin’ treasure/fightin’ rich landlubbers/pillagin’ if ye be wearing ye pirate hair jewels. If ye pirate be also a steampunk, ye be likin’ ye pendant. If ye be in a battle where ye be best pretending to be a privateer or a lawful sailor, ye be best keepin’ ye love for ye sea subtle with ye dusk sailing czech glass ring.

If ye be a pirate that be good in the galley, be pesterin’ ye captain to be plunderin’ ye a pirate cupcake t-shirt. Ye be available in various designs an’ be on stickers an’ bags an’ ye aprons. If ye be havin’ a party on board ye ship, be not spendin’ all ye gold on rum (though it be a good investment if ye be not wantin’ t’voyage with angry pirates) , an’ be obtainin’ ye skull an’ crossbones flags for ye cupcakes, an’ be makin’ sure no landlubbers or privateers be joinin’ ye voyage with ye pirate invitations.

If ye be havin’ ye small pirates, ye jolly roger hat be keepin’ them warm on ye seven seas and ye knittin’ needles be useful in case ye pistol be not loaded when ye be boarded by ye Royal Navy.

Arrrrrrrrr. What be ye doin’ for ye International Talk Like a Pirate Day? Be ye not hearin’ of it before? I should be makin’ ye walk the plank…but I be too busy enjoying me ‘grog’.